Yes, But: The Conversation around Commitment

Have you ever had someone say they supported your proposal or idea when you spoke to them one on one only to have it torpedoed publically by the very person who said they supported it?  Frustrating isn’t it?  Oops, sorry I accidently knocked that coffee into your lap.

Okay, so the coffee in the lap may feel like sweet revenge but it doesn’t really solve the problem.  How do you know you really have commitment when a person seems to agree but you don’t know if they’ll have your back when the going gets tough? Sometimes the agreement alone feels like such an accomplishment that we don’t want to tempt fate by delving any deeper.  But conversations about content are rarely enough to get explicit commitment.

Once you arrive at agreement, try taking your conversation to the next level—commitment.  Talk about what commitment looks like for both of you.  What would look like a lack of commitment?  What are your expectations around what commitment means?  What could make the other person withdraw their commitment? How would you expect them to handle that? Will the two of you handle any shifts in commitment publically or take it offline?  What’s at stake if the two of you do not appear to be pulling in the same direction? 

Talking about your commitment to each other, especially when there is a lot at stake, can be as critical as reaching agreement on the content.  By getting your expectations (and the other person’s) out in a private setting where you can work through your differences, you greatly improve the chances that the two of you will be aligned publically going forward.  And you build trust with one another that will pay off in future interactions.  No sense in wasting a perfectly good cup of coffee.