Rooting Out Anger: 32 Ways We Show Anger [BOOK EXCERPT]

Men are very tied to their loved ones, yet they are also tied to their anger and have difficulty letting it go. The tend to rationalize their anger, to explain it away, to blame it on others. Because of that capacity for denial and excuse, it is important for men to understand the forms anger takes:

The Slow Burn

On the outside, he denies his anger, but onthe inside, his internal dialogue with himself makes sure to stoke the fire.

The Flash Burn

He gets angry quickly, strongly, but doesn't stay angry long. He uses this brevity of his anger to justify its intensity.

The Smoldering Coals

He is not actuely aware of his anger, so it is extremely unsettling when his anger flares to life because of smoldering coals of anger left unattended.

Make note of any of the following that you recognize as ways you show your anger:

1. Volcanic and random verbal and/or physical outbursts
2. Defensive posture and tendency to "jump the gun" in defending yourself
3. Need to be right in conversations and conflicts
4. Attempting to control others by demands/commands
5. Overusing sarcasm
6. Using guilt to control behavior of others
7. Experiencing lack of joy in life and pleasure in daily activities
8. Depending on sports as an "acceptable" way to show anger -- either playing or watching
9. Plotting and scheming against other people
10. Speaking negatively about other people
11. Being overly prideful and selfish
12. Engaging in habitual sexual pursuit and consquest, including sexual jokes, innuendo, speech, and flirting behavior
13. Procrstinating tasks you don't want to do
14. Perpetual or habitual lateness
15. Numbing out your feelings with alcohol or drugs
16. Sarcasm, cynicism, being overly critical
17. Beiing overly polite, cheery on the outside but resentful on the inside
18. Frequent sighing
19. Withdrawing into yoru own "world" as a way to cope
20. Overly controlled monotone voice
21. Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams
22. Spending money you don't have and buying things you don't need
23. Difficulty getting to or staying asleep
24. Being easily fatigued or apathetic
25. Loss of enjoyment in everyday activities
26. Getting irritable over small things
27. Clenched jaws, fists, muscles
28. Using threats of or actual physical violence against others
29. Raising yoru voice incrementally
30. Facial ticks, grinding teeth, spasmodic foot movements done unintentionally
31. Stomach ulcers
32. Using religious texts as a way to control, belittle or shame others

Healing Scripture

Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry -- but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life. (Eph. 4:26-27)

The above is excerpted from chapter 3 in Battles Men Face: Strategies to Win the War Within by Dr. Gregory Jantz.