Anger comes with a strong voice; anger is verbal. Sometimes that voice comes across loud and clear, broadcast at high decibels. Sometimes that voice is quiet, a rigidly controlled voice of rage, whose whispered threats are far more frightening than a yelled outburst. Sometimes that voice is kept contained within unspoken thoughts, silent to others but deafening to the man himself. The voice of anger often makes use of inherited dialogue, as if a script for anger has been passed down from one generation to the next.
Verbal anger is not confined to a bellow or a shout. Verbal anger can show itself:
- As a pattern of sarcasm, cynicism, or criticism
- Through overpoliteness, with precise pronunciation substituting for physical blows
- As a flat, monotone speaking voice, announcing its very presence by the lack of emotion
- As frustration or having a high IQ -- Irritability Quotient
- As an immediate and defensive responseBy insisting it always has the last word in any conversation or conflict
- Through manipulating through guilt, through playing the "shame and blame" game
- By issuing orders instead of asking for opinionsBy talking negatively of others
The voice of anger can become so familiar, so intimate, it can be difficult to recognize as such. It becomes "just the way I am" or "just the way I talk." The more prevalent the voice of anger, the more comfortable with it you become. The danger, of course, lies when the voice of anger becomes indistinguishable from your own voice.
The above is excerpted from chapter 3 in Battles Men Face: Strategies To Win the War Within by Dr. Gregory Jantz.