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Health & Fitness

Battles Men Face: Rooting Out Anger [BOOK EXCERPT]

Dr. Gregory Jantz, Neighbor

Men are very tied to their loved ones, yet they are also tied to their anger and have difficulty letting it go. The tend to rationalize their anger, to explain it away, to blame it on others. Because of that capacity for denial and excuse, it is important for men to understand the forms anger takes:

The Slow Burn

On the outside, he denies his anger, but on the inside, his internal dialogue with himself makes sure to stoke the fire.

The Flash Burn

He gets angry quickly, strongly, but doesn't stay angry long. He uses this brevity of his anger to justify its intensity.

The Smoldering Coals

He is not acutely aware of his anger, so it is extremely unsettling when his anger flares to life because of smoldering coals of anger left unattended. When men are not allowed to express their anger, ways of coping may include:

  • obsessive sports
  • sexual addiction
  • substance abuse and addictions
  • power and control
  • spiritual abuse
  • depression
  • financial issues
  • isolation
The only way to really learn to use anger -- instead of anger using you -- is to know where your anger comes from. And the only way to know where your anger comes from is to allow yourself to relive those significant moments of pain -- physical pain and emotional pain. You have to understand your anger in order to harness it, just like a wild horse, to use it to motivate you to act in noble, beneficial ways. 

Ask yourself some questions about your anger:
  • What did you learn about anger as a child?How did you express anger as a child?
  • Describe your most recent "anger" experience.Describe the angriest moment in your life.
  • List the variety of ways you deal with anger.What pleasure do you get from anger?
  • Do you have positive ways you get rid of anger? How?
  • Have you ever used your anger as a weapon against others?
  • What is your definition of anger?
  • How do you know you're angry?
Whether slow to burn or quick to explode, anger is a powerful emotion. Banked with the white-hot coals of resentment, bitterness, and frustration, anger is the cause of much of the hurt men find themselves feeling and dispensing. Rage expelled in scalding outbursts provides a sense of release and empowerment. Left unchecked, however, it will eventually consume everything of value in a man’s life.

The above is excerpted from Battles Men Face: Strategies To Win the War Within by Dr. Gregory Jantz.
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