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Community Corner

The Birds and Bees

When is the right time to talk to your kids about the facts of life?

Do you remember "the talk"? Did you get one? Yes, I’m talking about the sex talk.

Acck! I have two young daughters and hadn’t really thought very far ahead about how and when we’d have the "chat." Then I was invited to a workshop at Edmonds Community College put on by Amy Lang of Birds and Bees and Kids and thought, what the heck. I’ll go.  

Amy has been a sexual health educator since age 22 and has a Master's degree in Applied Behavioral Science from Bastyr University Leadership Institute of Seattle. She is specifically trained in adult education and is a certified parent educator through Positive Discipline. Mostly I just loved the fact that she’s funny and real. And she completely changed my parenting approach.

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Birds and Bees for Kids is a frank and open exploration into how we communicate, teach and help our children navigate the world of sexuality. We all come from different backgrounds and have different experiences, but even so, sexuality and the human body are part of who we are. I recognize that many adults are uncomfortable with the very idea of this. We teach our kids to say words like "hoo ha," "lady parts" or "down there." My 4-year-old refers to anything in the general vicinity as her "butt."

The Birds and Bees and Kids workshop taught me that I want to be the resource for my children, rather than allowing them to receive all their information from a big-mouthed fifth grader on the playground. Instead of having one big uncomfortable talk at a predetermined time, I learned it should be countless open conversations with your child.

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I now use the proper terms for anatomy openly and often, even though my husband pales whenever he overhears one of these conversations. I spent five minutes the other night with my 4-year-old working on saying "urethra" properly, because she really wanted to know “where the pee comes from.”

More than anything, we have to figure out what OUR family values and views are and make sure we are reiterating those to our kids continuously. I want them to know that sex is for adults and not for kids. I want them to have the knowledge of how their body works and confidence in that knowledge when they are faced with sexual situations at a young age. Amy really brought that fact to the forefront for me.

On her website, birdsandbeesandkids.com, Amy offers video tips as well as lots of web and book resources for whatever stage you’re in with your child, toddler through teenager. If you can’t make it to one of her workshops you can order a DVD or schedule a one-on-one consultation with her.

I can’t share all the information I came away with from the workshop, but perhaps Amy says it best in her own words: “The only thing getting in the way of talking to our kids about sex and relationships are our own fears, anxiety, history and cultural nonsense. Our kids are open to this information from an early age and every survey out there shows kids and teens say they want and need to hear from us. It is our responsibility to our children's overall health and welfare to get over ourselves and initiate these conversations so kids can make great choices about their one-day sex lives."

Others may not agree, but my 6-year-old knows how babies are made. I never would have imagined that would be my approach. I don’t feel like I’ve got it all figured out, but I feel a whole lot better off than a year ago. I hope that I can offer my girls a healthy relationship with their bodies and their future relationships. You can find Amy Lang and her class offerings at BirdsandBeesandKids.com.

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